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What gives me first pause isn't the grainy detail of the photo, nor is it the money-shot mise en scene.

It's the fact that this guy ate FOUR hot dogs at 4 a.m.

(And a healthy dose of pepper-jack and sour cream, too)

Waiting for 4:20, are we? Or Godot?

Our cuisan aptly reminds us that under no circumstances should this be consumed while sober. I'd say it shouldn't be consumed while conscious, either, but maybe I'm being harsh.

Tony Bourdain would not approve, Vol. 1.

Ah, hip_domestics, you never fail to bring on the culinary spooge. I'm not much of a cook, but I do the best I can with decent ingredients. I'm no chef, but I know truly atrocious crapfood when I see it, and oh, have I seen it.

Today's atrocity? Easy 15 Minute Seafood Bisque. And how easy is it, you ask? I'll let the original poster tell you herself:

4 cans of Campbells "Healthy Request" condensed Tomato Soup
3 1/2 cups fat free half and half
canned seafood-drained (I used 3 cans crab and 2 cans shrimp, but when I make it again will probably reverse that)
Spices (I used Basil, Oregano and Thyme to taste.)

Throw it all in a pot on the stove, heat until almost boiling (starting to bubble), about 15 minutes on medium to medium high (or low, whatever's your preference and time schedule). Serve with a little shredded cheddar on top. OPTIONAL Add: 1/4 cup rum for a little extra flavor.
Okay, ha-ha, April Fool's--I get it! Oh, you're so funny; I would have sworn this was a recipe straight off of Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade! Fooled me, ya did!

Oh, wait. Today's April 2nd. Which means this isn't a joke at all. Which means somebody actually makes this shit. And not only makes it, but fucking eats it. Oh! The horror!Collapse )
Rules:

1. Don't do anything that violates federal, state, or Livejournal law.
2. Do not, under any circumstances, talk shit about Stouffer's Microwave Macaroni and Cheese.

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You can make your own. You can tag your own. Be creative and enjoy.

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So why food_bukkake?

Whither food_bukkake?

Well, here's why.

This "recipe" for Condiment Gruel was posted in food_porn. Porn? Well, it's not Vaseline-lensed softcore. It's no tasteful and artistic magazine centerfold. There's no leather, here, and certainly no desire.

Perhaps bukkake, though. So here we are.

For those a-feared of the link, the "recipe" is as follows:

Scavenger's Delight
Four packages of ketchup
Four packages of mustard
Two packages of crackers
Hot water


I don't know about you, but it certainly makes me want to vomit. The use of "hi dares" and "sammaches" in a post about microwave cooking add to the joy. (Original post text copied below)

And with that, welcome. Snark Livejournal, snark Food Network, snark the recipe you saw on the side of a can of Treet.

Or, if you're truly brave, post some of your own culinary experiences. Did you mix peanut butter in your ramen in an odd fit of food budgeting (hey, fat, protein, starch, it covers the bases, right?) Do you want to know if your food is hot or not? Post it and see.

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